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If Christopher Nolan Were An Investment Banker……
Posted by TJ
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Tuesday, July 20, 2010
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The levels of dream securitization that this movie presents will put even goliath’s of i-bankers to shame. Though unusual and creepy yet distant resemblance to “Potemkin villages” can be found in this movie. And unlike the movie dreamy projections, this was a real world manifestations, although differing means but the same purpose. I must say the movie jolted me out of my consciousness, thanks to such story line , where in i had difficulties to understand. But my eternal curiosity after being fed by elixirs of wisdom from my dear friends on some issues, finally i have come to the conclusion very much stating and supporting my limited idea and purpose behind my topic. …….
Why is everyone so enchanted by this much denounced yet hallowed profession (exceptions please don’t mind). And me too. The sweet aroma of greenbacks devoid of any exchange rate risk leverages our capital minds to such an extent that we are ready to build layers upon layers on nothing. Yet a dream job for many people. Sometimes it’s for good , sometimes it’s for bad. U need someone to blame, get them. U need someone to give u an advice , approach them. U need to write something spicy , involve them. . Perhaps i feel i-bankers have become the quintessential punching bags of our time. And the grave irony is that when a moviemaker follows the same in letter and spirits , he is given an italian leathered and french feathered red carpet and our poor bankers have to swallow deadly pills in the form of public humiliation and litigation prescribed by doctors of the so called government regulators .
But my protaganist doesn’t have to be like that yet still considering his litany’s of movies , i am bound to ask what if he were an i banker.
But my protaganist doesn’t have to be like that yet still considering his litany’s of movies , i am bound to ask what if he were an i banker.
1 Dreams would be traded/sold in a tranche ranging from great to worse dream.
2 Wannabe i bankers would have been reading “ interpretation of dreams” by sigmund freud rather than myers and damodaran.
3 Psychologists would have been more in demand rather than a cfa level 3 .
4 Jokers would have been the favorite dealers.
5 The job’s prestige would have shifted from quantitative projections to illusion creations.
Aa - and indian ayurveda industry would have been the microsoft for these bankers.
The Method
From :
What About Free Will?
I’ve recently arrived at the age where I am supposed to be in some sort of long term relationship. I’m past the age where people are expecting me to find someone “any day now” but before the age where people describe me as “independent.” Don’t get me wrong, I’m not opposed to this whole girl thing. I’m simply not very good at meeting women. Not that there is any flaw with me, mind you. There’s something about having two X chromosomes that makes girls bat-shit crazy. Some would argue there’s something about having one X chromosome that makes men assholes, but they are wrong. You shouldn’t believe a crazy person, you know.
In response to my personal tragedy, I’ve worked out a system for screening potential female companions. I hope to work this relationship thing out before I’m fifty, smelly, and just don’t care if I’m naked or not. When you’re as awkward as me, it’s a good idea to have a concrete method to fall back on, for like, everything. When I get gender-nervous I can just slowly rock back and forth in the fetal position while repeating, “Remember the system. Remember the system.”
I’m against friends introducing me to potential girlfriends as the introduction line is always, “This is Andrew; he’s really funny.” This leaves me in a situation where I have to absolutely prove I’m incredibly funny in a short period of time. This always fails because, shockingly, there is more to my personality than the enjoyment of humor.
When these introductions happen, I revert from very minimally controlling what I say to not controlling what I say at all. Usually, I am the kid that occasionally chirps in with a weird, but clever observation. I soon transition into the person that could only possibly be understood by being inside of their brain. Turns out most girls don’t respond to that sort of thing.
Since introductions are impossible, the burden of finding companionship lies solely on my shoulders. There are two sections to my method. The initial screening process is intended to avoid women who would do things like growl when I try to kiss them. Or set my car on fire if I forget the three month anniversary of our first trip to the zoo. Or think that the Twilight books are pretty good. This list, this numbered set of directions is the first leg of my dating journey. It is exactly how I find the elusive Dating Candidate.
1) Make new friends
2) See if there are any friends that are female and attractive (both physically and non). If there are none, return to step one. The criteria for attraction are extensive in themselves, but we won’t get into that now. I have other stuff to do, like find me a woman.
3) Once a woman that fits the above criteria has been found, talk to her often. Try not to follow her around. That apparently is a deal breaker.
4) Work up to asking her to a movie that is humorous in nature…or a Pixar film if she is one of those girls.
5) After the movie, demonstrate spontaneity by asking her to partake in ice cream at Dairy Queen. If the date took place in a town that does not have a Dairy Queen, return to step one.
6) Bluntly and awkwardly ask her if she would like to do anything like this again. If she says “Yes,” call her in two days, if she says “No,” return to step one.
Once these six steps have been successfully completed, it’s time to find out if I actually like The Dating Candidate or not. The ultimate quest, of course, is to “go around the bases” with her. Please, I am not so shallow as to suggest my only goal is to kiss then touch then special touch then special hug these girls. Not that that would work anyways. The second portion of my method has a greater purpose than this. I’m sort of old fashioned in the fact that I date people with the idea that I will eventually marry one of them. I ‘spose I need to get with the times though…
Anyways, contrary to popular belief you don’t just go around the bases once. It’s not like you run round a diamond, touch four squares, and suddenly you get along perfectly with somebody with no chance of it ever falling apart. It doesn’t work like that. I have come to realize that you must actually go around the bases with a girl three times before you have any hope of knowing who she is, let alone even think of getting physical with her. I definitely favor using protection, but I’m sort of more preemptive about it. The thing is, I can find out more about a girl if she cries when she loses a sock than I can by kissing her.
This process, while tedious, is vital. If special care was not taken, I could totally end up with a girl that’s all goopy (in a bad way) and spend the rest of my life on a couch with her watching reality television. This process is exactly how complicated it needs to be, but unfortunately more so than the world is ready for. The conundrum is self-creating.
Note: Unlike the above list, the below is more a series of milestones rather than instructions. Also, intermittent dates are concurrently happening during this checklist.
The first time around the bases
First base: Talked on the phone for a couple of weeks
Second base: Helped her pick out a mundane item like a dustbuster or a silverware set.
Third base: Sent a rambling email at two in morning for pretty much no reason. She didn’t seem to mind.
Home: Had a nice discussion about (and found common ground on) interior decoration.
The second time around the bases
First base: Did something wrong on purpose just to see what she would do. Bought her roses to see how often, and for what infractions, I will have to do this in the future.
Second base: Got her to understand that I will never, ever dance with her.
Third base: Found out the woman was smarter than me. Panicked for a few days, but came to peace with the realization that this has happened to before.
Home: Became scared/confused that she makes sense to me, seems to like hanging around me, and has not tried to eat my spleen yet. Took a blood sample and set it into a lab to see if the woman was actually a dude all along.
The third time around the bases
First base: Assessed exactly how fertile the woman is. Examined her hips and asked myself the following questions: Are the hips childbearing in nature? Does she appear healthy enough to both produce milk for the young and continue about her daily labor? How likely is she come down with the typhus and become an invalid?
Second base: Asked her, hypothetically, what she would do if I were to give her a diamond ring and request something very legally binding of her. If the initial response was negative, tried upping the elaborateness of the hypothetical situation. Once agreement was reached, tried substituting the diamond ring for a house or a state-of-the-art kayak to see if I received the same response.
Third base: Actually carried out the hypothetical situation…without vomiting.
Home: Took a look at her “dirty pillows.” Made final decision.
The furthest I have ever gotten is to home on the second time around. This is usually the cut-off point for as far as my method will carry me. There just aren’t than many birthing hips out there anymore. I am saddened to report that this fool-proof method of finding the girl for me is not fool-proof. Often I will date a girl for several months before one day she turns to me and sweetly says, “Surprise! I’m crazy!” I’m not sure if the method has always worked by rooting out the insane, or has never worked since there is a definite brick-wall built into it. God damn it, now I’m all depressed.
So you see, I have at least thought out my feelings on this subject, even if I come across as horribly obsessive in the process. Maybe I just need to find someone that understands what I’m actually saying here, somebody that thinks like me. Oh dang, I definitely need to addthat to the list.
From :
What About Free Will?
Mumbai Rains
Mumbai is one of those rare cities in India that has two seasons in a year - Summer and Monsoon - both in their extreme states. Once in two-three years we get to experience winter for a few days. Summer is really bad here. The moment you step out, you are drenched in sweat even before you reach the main gate of your building. I am now used to this humidity so much that if I go in some other city and I do not perspire, I feel Somethings wrong with the city …..
But the season i really hated here was monsoon, until now. Reasons - how many of you have heard of 26th July floods in Mumbai? If not, then click here to see the photographs of that nightmare. Mumbai drainage system is the worst. Whenever there is a continuous heavy down pour for five hours or more, the trains stop as the railway tracks are flooded. You may find stand still traffic almost everywhere, a 30 km journey takes more than 3 hours, roads are muddy and dirty, if you travel in a local train or a bus, then people stamp your feet without any regret, your clothes will be wet unless of course you wear rain coats even in train/bus and soaks someone else’s, you have to be alert like a soldier coz while standing anywhere an unannounced umbrella wire may get poked in your eye and or any other body parts not mentionable here :) .
But the monsoon in Mumbai is at its best when you keep all the above factors away and behave like a child enjoying the rains. Just take a walk near sea side, water draws you in their beauty, while waves touch your soul deep inside ( Wow that was poetic :) ). Bhutta wala, chai wala, chana chor garam wala and such make their presence felt too. You cannot stop yourself from buying those things and relish on them while it's raining.
I never appreciated rains so much in my life until now. These days, suddenly I have started falling in love with the monsoon. The rain drops lift my spirits instantly. Like a child, I feel like going out there and get wet, play in the rains, make paper boats, take a long walk or a Drive.
Have you ever had garma garam Bajji with spicy garlic chatni while getting wet in rains? Try it out. Go out there and have an ice cream. It tastes ten times better. Just stand at Marine Drive and let the waves kiss your cheeks. You will never want to leave that place. Drive around on the link road or Western express highways at midnight, you will be the luckiest if it's drizzling. Go out there with your loved ones, family and friends. Live each moment, experience each rain drop, feel each wave. Trust me, it feels like heaven……….
Who is your real Competitor ??
An interesting lecture from IIM (Indian Institute of Management) professor.....
Who sells the largest number of cameras in India? Your guess is likely to be Sony, Canon or Nikon. Answer is none of the above. The winner is Nokia whose main line of business in India is not cameras but cell phones. Reason being cameras bundled with cell phones are outselling stand alone cameras. Now, what prevents the cell phone from replacing the camera outright? Nothing at all. One can only hope the Sonys and Canons are taking note.
Try this. Who is the biggest in music business in India? You think it is HMV Sa-Re-Ga-Ma? Sorry. The answer is Airtel. By selling caller tunes (that play for 30 seconds) Airtel makes more than what music companies make by selling music albums (that run for hours). Incidentally Airtel is not in music business. It is the mobile service provider with the largest subscriber base in India. That sort of competitor is difficult to detect, even more difficult to beat (by the time you have identified him he has already gone past you). But if you imagine that Nokia and Bharti (Airtel's parent) are breathing easy you can't be farther from truth.
Nokia confessed that they all but missed the Smartphone bus. They admit that Apple's Iphone and Google's Android can make life difficult in future. But you never thought Google was a mobile company, did you? If these illustrations mean anything, there is a bigger game unfolding. It is not so much about mobile or music or camera or emails. The "Mahabharata" (the great Indian epic battle) is about "what is tomorrow's personal digital device"? Will it be a souped up mobile or a palmtop with a telephone? All these are little wars that add up to that big battle. Hiding behind all these wars is a gem of a question – "who is my competitor?" Once in a while, to intrigue my students I toss a question at them. It says "What Apple did to Sony, Sony did to Kodak, explain?" The smart ones get the answer almost immediately. Sony defined its market as audio (music from the walkman). They never expected an IT company like Apple to encroach into their audio domain. Come to think of it, is it really surprising? Apple as a computer maker has both audio and video capabilities. So what made Sony think he won't compete on pure audio? "Elementary Watson". So also Kodak defined its business as film cameras, Sony defines its businesses as "digital." In digital camera the two markets perfectly meshed. Kodak was torn between going digital and sacrificing money on camera film or staying with films and getting left behind in digital technology. Left undecided it lost in both. It had to. It did not ask the question "who is my competitor for tomorrow?"
The same was true for IBM whose mainframe revenue prevented it from seeing the PC. The same was true of Bill Gates who declared "internet is a fad!" and then turned around to bundle the browser with windows to bury Netscape. The point is not who is today's competitor. Today's competitor is obvious. Tomorrow's is not.
In 2008, who was the toughest competitor to British Airways in India? Singapore airlines? Better still, Indian airlines? Maybe, but there are better answers. There are competitors that can hurt all these airlines and others not mentioned. The answer is videoconferencing and telepresence services of HP and Cisco. Travel dropped due to recession. Senior IT executives in India and abroad were compelled by their head quarters to use videoconferencing to shrink travel budget. So much so, that the mad scramble for American visas from Indian techies was nowhere in sight in 2008. (India has a quota of something like 65,000 visas to the U.S. They were going a-begging. Blame it on recession!). So far so good. But to think that the airlines will be back in business post recession is something I would not bet on. In short term yes. In long term a resounding no.
Remember, if there is one place where Newton's law of gravity is applicable besides physics it is in electronic hardware. Between 1977 and 1991 the prices of the now dead VCR (parent of Blue-Ray disc player) crashed to one-third of its original level in India. PC's price dropped from hundreds of thousands of rupees to tens of thousands. If this trend repeats then telepresence prices will also crash. Imagine the fate of airlines then. As it is not many are making money. Then it will surely be RIP! India has two passions. Films and cricket. The two markets were distinctly different. So were the icons.
The cricket gods were Sachin and Sehwag. The filmi gods were the Khans (Aamir Khan, Shah Rukh Khan and the other Khans who followed suit). That was, when cricket was fundamentally test cricket or at best 50 over cricket. Then came IPL and the two markets collapsed into one. IPL brought cricket down to 20 overs. Suddenly an IPL match was reduced to the length of a 3 hour movie. Cricket became film's competitor. On the eve of IPL matches movie halls ran empty. Desperate multiplex owners requisitioned the rights for screening IPL matches at movie halls to hang on to the audience. If IPL were to become the mainstay of cricket, as it is likely to be, films have to sequence their releases so as not clash with IPL matches. As far as the audience is concerned both are what in India are called 3 hour "tamasha" (entertainment). Cricket season might push films out of the market.
Look at the products that vanished from India in the last 20 years. When did you last see a black and white movie? When did you last use a fountain pen? When did you last type on a typewriter? The answer for all the above is "I don't remember!" For some time there was a mild substitute for the typewriter called electronic typewriter that had limited memory. Then came the computer and mowed them all. Today most technologically challenged guys like me use the computer as an upgraded typewriter. Typewriters per se are nowhere to be seen.
One last illustration. 20 years back what were Indians using to wake them up in the morning? The answer is "alarm clock." The alarm clock was a monster made of mechanical springs. It had to be physically keyed every day to keep it running. It made so much noise by way of alarm, that it woke you up and the rest of the colony. Then came quartz clocks which were sleeker. They were much more gentle though still quaintly called "alarms." What do we use today for waking up in the morning? Cell phone! An entire industry of clocks disappeared without warning thanks to cell phones. Big watch companies like Titan were the losers. You never know in which bush your competitor is hiding!
On a lighter vein, who are the competitors for authors? Joke spewing machines? (Steve Wozniak, the co-founder of Apple, himself a Pole, tagged a Polish joke telling machine to a telephone much to the mirth of Silicon Valley). Or will the competition be story telling robots? Future is scary! The boss of an IT company once said something interesting about the animal called competition.He said "Have breakfast …or…. be breakfast"! That sums it up rather neatly.
One thing that does Not and will Not changes is of course Human Values- No Competitor!!
Economics made simple with cows
How do you easily explain varying economic models easily? In an updated take on an old classic, you use cows. This via email so I’m not sure where it came from originally, but it’s a good read.
SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbor.
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbor.
COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.
VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet is provided with the release which says something like A valuable lesson has been learned. The public then buys your bull.
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet is provided with the release which says something like A valuable lesson has been learned. The public then buys your bull.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘Cowkimon’ and market it worldwide.
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘Cowkimon’ and market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.
You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.
