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Showing posts with label mba. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mba. Show all posts
Who is your real Competitor ??
An interesting lecture from IIM (Indian Institute of Management) professor.....
Who sells the largest number of cameras in India? Your guess is likely to be Sony, Canon or Nikon. Answer is none of the above. The winner is Nokia whose main line of business in India is not cameras but cell phones. Reason being cameras bundled with cell phones are outselling stand alone cameras. Now, what prevents the cell phone from replacing the camera outright? Nothing at all. One can only hope the Sonys and Canons are taking note.
Try this. Who is the biggest in music business in India? You think it is HMV Sa-Re-Ga-Ma? Sorry. The answer is Airtel. By selling caller tunes (that play for 30 seconds) Airtel makes more than what music companies make by selling music albums (that run for hours). Incidentally Airtel is not in music business. It is the mobile service provider with the largest subscriber base in India. That sort of competitor is difficult to detect, even more difficult to beat (by the time you have identified him he has already gone past you). But if you imagine that Nokia and Bharti (Airtel's parent) are breathing easy you can't be farther from truth.
Nokia confessed that they all but missed the Smartphone bus. They admit that Apple's Iphone and Google's Android can make life difficult in future. But you never thought Google was a mobile company, did you? If these illustrations mean anything, there is a bigger game unfolding. It is not so much about mobile or music or camera or emails. The "Mahabharata" (the great Indian epic battle) is about "what is tomorrow's personal digital device"? Will it be a souped up mobile or a palmtop with a telephone? All these are little wars that add up to that big battle. Hiding behind all these wars is a gem of a question – "who is my competitor?" Once in a while, to intrigue my students I toss a question at them. It says "What Apple did to Sony, Sony did to Kodak, explain?" The smart ones get the answer almost immediately. Sony defined its market as audio (music from the walkman). They never expected an IT company like Apple to encroach into their audio domain. Come to think of it, is it really surprising? Apple as a computer maker has both audio and video capabilities. So what made Sony think he won't compete on pure audio? "Elementary Watson". So also Kodak defined its business as film cameras, Sony defines its businesses as "digital." In digital camera the two markets perfectly meshed. Kodak was torn between going digital and sacrificing money on camera film or staying with films and getting left behind in digital technology. Left undecided it lost in both. It had to. It did not ask the question "who is my competitor for tomorrow?"
The same was true for IBM whose mainframe revenue prevented it from seeing the PC. The same was true of Bill Gates who declared "internet is a fad!" and then turned around to bundle the browser with windows to bury Netscape. The point is not who is today's competitor. Today's competitor is obvious. Tomorrow's is not.
In 2008, who was the toughest competitor to British Airways in India? Singapore airlines? Better still, Indian airlines? Maybe, but there are better answers. There are competitors that can hurt all these airlines and others not mentioned. The answer is videoconferencing and telepresence services of HP and Cisco. Travel dropped due to recession. Senior IT executives in India and abroad were compelled by their head quarters to use videoconferencing to shrink travel budget. So much so, that the mad scramble for American visas from Indian techies was nowhere in sight in 2008. (India has a quota of something like 65,000 visas to the U.S. They were going a-begging. Blame it on recession!). So far so good. But to think that the airlines will be back in business post recession is something I would not bet on. In short term yes. In long term a resounding no.
Remember, if there is one place where Newton's law of gravity is applicable besides physics it is in electronic hardware. Between 1977 and 1991 the prices of the now dead VCR (parent of Blue-Ray disc player) crashed to one-third of its original level in India. PC's price dropped from hundreds of thousands of rupees to tens of thousands. If this trend repeats then telepresence prices will also crash. Imagine the fate of airlines then. As it is not many are making money. Then it will surely be RIP! India has two passions. Films and cricket. The two markets were distinctly different. So were the icons.
The cricket gods were Sachin and Sehwag. The filmi gods were the Khans (Aamir Khan, Shah Rukh Khan and the other Khans who followed suit). That was, when cricket was fundamentally test cricket or at best 50 over cricket. Then came IPL and the two markets collapsed into one. IPL brought cricket down to 20 overs. Suddenly an IPL match was reduced to the length of a 3 hour movie. Cricket became film's competitor. On the eve of IPL matches movie halls ran empty. Desperate multiplex owners requisitioned the rights for screening IPL matches at movie halls to hang on to the audience. If IPL were to become the mainstay of cricket, as it is likely to be, films have to sequence their releases so as not clash with IPL matches. As far as the audience is concerned both are what in India are called 3 hour "tamasha" (entertainment). Cricket season might push films out of the market.
Look at the products that vanished from India in the last 20 years. When did you last see a black and white movie? When did you last use a fountain pen? When did you last type on a typewriter? The answer for all the above is "I don't remember!" For some time there was a mild substitute for the typewriter called electronic typewriter that had limited memory. Then came the computer and mowed them all. Today most technologically challenged guys like me use the computer as an upgraded typewriter. Typewriters per se are nowhere to be seen.
One last illustration. 20 years back what were Indians using to wake them up in the morning? The answer is "alarm clock." The alarm clock was a monster made of mechanical springs. It had to be physically keyed every day to keep it running. It made so much noise by way of alarm, that it woke you up and the rest of the colony. Then came quartz clocks which were sleeker. They were much more gentle though still quaintly called "alarms." What do we use today for waking up in the morning? Cell phone! An entire industry of clocks disappeared without warning thanks to cell phones. Big watch companies like Titan were the losers. You never know in which bush your competitor is hiding!
On a lighter vein, who are the competitors for authors? Joke spewing machines? (Steve Wozniak, the co-founder of Apple, himself a Pole, tagged a Polish joke telling machine to a telephone much to the mirth of Silicon Valley). Or will the competition be story telling robots? Future is scary! The boss of an IT company once said something interesting about the animal called competition.He said "Have breakfast …or…. be breakfast"! That sums it up rather neatly.
One thing that does Not and will Not changes is of course Human Values- No Competitor!!
Investment Banker vs. Management Consultant
Posted by TJ
on
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
, under
consulting,
investment banking,
mba,
nmims
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comments (34)
Just came across this awesome video which says it all ...
Read the blog ( original source http://www.mergersandinquisitions.com/banker-vs-consultant-why-the-banker-wins-with-a-knockout-in-round-1/ )
attached with the video, will give detailed explanations to novices ;)
“What’s missing from your resume is a focus on the results… I see all your recommendations and the projects you worked on, but I don’t see what happened as a result of your work.”
-McKinsey Recruiter to Me, 3 Years Ago
Some of you have asked about consulting (as in management consulting, not IT consulting ) vs. investment banking and which is “better” to pursue.
So here’s why investment bankers dominate management consultants, and why you should do banking.
The Myth: Bankers vs. Consultants Video
On the day the infamous Leveraged Sellout video was released, I received about 10 forwards from readers and friends, so I’m guessing almost everyone has seen it by now.
But just in case you haven’t, here it is again for good measure:
Although it’s fiction, the video does a surprisingly good job of summarizing the bankers vs. consultants debate.
“Be a Burnout Banker, Teaching Math at My Prep School”
There’s a lot of burnout in both fields. My management consultant friend almost quit after he had to work 14 hours on his birthday once. True, consultants get uninterrupted weekends… sometimes… but regardless of whether you’re a banker or consultant, you’re going to work a lot.
To imagine the schedule of a consultant, just take my Week in the Life series and add traveling to Idaho at the beginning of the week and coming back at the end of the week. Also delete all references to quantitative work and replace them with finger-painting.
“Nothing but Grunt Work”
Not quite.
There’s a lot of grunt work in both industries. In banking, it’s more quantitative and no one cares about offering “strategic insight” and putting things in quadrants – they just care what the Pro Forma EPS is.
“Make a Really Significant Impact and Get Home by 7:15″
I know of no consultants who get home by 7:15. One of my friends is an IT Consultant and even he doesn’t get home by 7:15.
So far, banking and consulting might seem similar… but let’s take a look at the first part of this claim – “Make a Really Significant Impact.”
Despite what the consultant argues, bankers typically make far more of an impact than consultants. True, some transactions fall apart, but when they happen you get a new public company or a new conglomerate.
By contrast, you never know if the recommendations consultants make will be implemented.
Got results?
“Mining for Gold out in Saskatchewan”
“Business travel” sounds cool to people who haven’t traveled much before, but it’s less appealing when you’re flying to Saskatchewan every week in February. Consultants are always on the road, and while bankers do travel occasionally, it is much less of a burden.
It’s fun to live in another country for an extended period, but it’s much less fun to travel back and forth every single week.
Plus, even if you are stationed in Saskatchewan you probably won’t discover any gold.
“You Try to Add Value… I Straight Create It”
At the junior level, no banker or consultant “creates value” and they rarely even “add value.” Senior bankers who negotiate on their clients’ behalf can sometimes “add value” by getting the buyer to pay more, but even that is rare.
Both banks and consulting firms are in the business of giving advice: advice on what to do financially and what to do operationally. Companies actually “create value.”
“House in the Hamptons and a Penthouse Loft”
Even at the market peak in mid-2007, 1st Year Analysts made only $150K ($60K base + $90K bonus). While that’s a lot of money for someone fresh out of school, it’s certainly not enough for a house in the Hamptons and a penthouse loft – especially after taxes.
Bankers do make more than consultants, but it will take quite some time to turn yourself into Gordon Gekko.
“But You Still Can’t Buy Bottles with Starwood Points”
True.
Consultants make a fraction of bankers’ bonuses – firms are notoriously secretive about exact numbers, but even in good times a $10K bonus isn’t unreasonable for consultants.
You could argue that they work a lot less and therefore make about the same hourly wage, but I’m not convinced. Sure, you won’t pull consistent 100-hour weeks in consulting, but it’s a lot more than 9-5, especially when you take into account the travel.
And even if it is more per hour, good luck having enough for bottles, let alone models.
“Take This Mouse and Get Back to Making $60K a Year”
Most consultants make more than $60K, but not by much.
However, they definitely don’t know how to use Excel properly – just ask that consultant we hired after I unplugged his mouse and he almost fainted.
The Consultant Formerly Known as Banker
One year, we hired a summer intern who was pretty good as far as investment banking interns go. He didn’t do anything stupid, he always smiled, and he even bought us drinks. But he “couldn’t take the hours” and he went to consulting full-time instead, in search of that elusive “work-life balance.”
I spoke with him the other day and he said the hours were pretty bad and he was being dragged around between 3 continents on clients’ whims – in other words, it was actually worse than banking, and he was getting paid less.
Damn, It Feels Good to Be a… Consultant?!
I didn’t continue with consulting because:
I hated constant travel.
I wanted to get tangible results rather than making “strategic recommendations” to management.
Oh yeah, I couldn’t tolerate making $60K a year. Even $70K is pushing it.
That said, you may still want to consider consulting if your original plan was finance:
Consulting is diversified in different industries, so the financial chaos won’t hit it quite as hard.
No consulting firms have subprime anything on their balance sheets.
You might still sneak into PE if you get lucky. Golden Gate Capital, for example, hires most of its Associates from Bain Consulting.
Rebuttal?
If you’re a consultant who now feels angered, feel free to write in with a rebuttal and I’ll publish some of the most entertaining responses. Make sure you also enclose some of those Starwood points.
Phew!!! what a blog.... original source
http://www.mergersandinquisitions.com/banker-vs-consultant-why-the-banker-wins-with-a-knockout-in-round-1/
Judge it yourself
At last I can share with you all the best practical sayings by our Law professor.
1) Excellence is the worst possible enemy of the possible good.
2) Marriage: A horrible public announcement of strictly private affairs.
3) Thou shalt not corrupt.
4) Gold is not gold until it is burnished.
5) Always be great full to the person on whose ladder you climb.
6) Obedience is 2/3 knowledge.
7) The law of the country follows the passport.
8) Ignoranca judicia,No excussia!!
9) never damn by faint praise.
10) A parent outside home??A Good Faculty !!
11) Nike: Just do it !! But "DO" what??
12) Others work, Successful network!!
13) Never say yes when you want to say no !!
THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
The lessons in management
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob , the next-door neighbor..
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says , 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure..
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone..
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients..'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch..
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy..
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
friend.
(3 ) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep
your mouth shut!
THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob , the next-door neighbor..
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says , 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure..
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone..
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients..'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch..
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy..
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
friend.
(3 ) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep
your mouth shut!
THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
Fund of funds @JBIMS
I had started playing the event called fund of funds by JBIMS this week. Round 1 consisted of Four day online event. We had 10 crores /100 million rs as our initial capital and we were allowed to invest in Benchmark mutual funds. Made a decent return of 92+ lakhs /9.2 million rs in 4 days ;-). Got selected in the final round (top 10) and went to JB today.
Here the real story begins ….
Reached JB at 1:15 for a 2 pm event. Attended Prahlad Kakkar’s talk on role of MBA’s in film industry. Had to leave mid way… Actually expected much more from a Prahald Kakkar’s talk but on a positive note got some insight on role of MBA in media.
Now the event … we were told to design a complete mutual fund with an offer document in 3 hrs flat. I lost half an hour lappy problems. Couldn’t connect to net. JBIMS guys Bijoy Shah and Hardik Shah helped us a lot. Quite cool guys actually ;-)… Made a diversified portfolio with large cap and mid cap stocks . In the presentation I project my mutual fund as diversified fund with a mixture of high return large cap and mid cap stocks , In portfolio analysis judge pointed out that I had on 12% allocation to mid cap ;-( and my MF was a large cap fund . Accepted the point gracefully. And completed the presentation much better that I had hoped for .
What did I gain from fund of funds …. met some guys from the best B schools in India , I was the Youngest guy in the final and the only first year guy ;-) (confidence level add on)
Hope this helps for the Preparation for next years contest season
(Attempted) Great Train Robbery
I always believed that MY MUMBAI was very safe . I have stayed here all my life , 24 yrs!!!!. But today I was very much disappointed, I was travelling in the train at evening 6:30 and somebody (almost) robbed me of my cell. He managed to remove my cell from my jeans pocket, luckily within seconds I realised that my cell was missing. I was little shaken to react in that jam-packed train, how could it happen to me. I just panicked and screamed “Mera mobile chori ho gaya “ (you should have seen me , that’s what my friends told me ) and my friends Ajay and Ashish used their presence of mind and dialled my cell number. IT RANG !!!! in that crowded compartment somehow we could hear it ring somewhere ;-) . The thief couldn’t mange to switch off my cell since the working of the touch screen cells a re little complicated. And he threw the cell down in the compartment and I found it.
I don’t know who was the thief, the guys in the compartment caught one guy and were convinced that he was the one. But i just didn’t want to fuel it because u never know he may be the innocent one and the gang may be trying to frame him. Just left the matter there , was happy to have my cell back.
One thing I learnt from this incidence is that never be overconfident about anything . IT MAY JUST HAPPEN YOU. Two of my friends have already lost their cell since our college began ( borivali - vile parle route).
So incase u are a new person @Mumbai Beware Trains may just prove too costly
Theory papers!!!!!!!!!!
After 2 years I got back into the habit of giving theory papers.
6 theory papers in a week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Believe me guys (especially if u were working for sometime) u will find theory papers utter waste of time. I am from science background and I really don’t know how to give gyan* in papers . Throughout my life I have given to the point answers ;-)… But here at MBA u need to give GYAN
(GYAN= A concept which can be explained in 2 sentences written in atleast 2 pages)
(GYAN= A concept which can be explained in 2 sentences written in atleast 2 pages)
I think managers need to acquire this skill …… IT guys will be able to relate to this or might have definitely experienced similar GYANS I suppose ;-)
Anyways coming back to the theory papers , I didn’t know what I was writing in CSR and IDL paper. My friends happened to narrate all the concepts they read* in every answer ( Narrate is intentional used) . I had prepared more than decently for IDL but relate all the psychological concepts to absurd situations ….. way out of my league. Atleast one thing is clear after my first trimester exams HR definitely NO NO.
* ( reading is approximately equivalent to scanning the huge book in 4-5 hrs, anything more than that is studying)
One of my friend kept a target of atleast 2 pages for all the answers. And he did a great job at it.
Whats clause 49 ? he didn’t know head or tail about it .. but he logically deducted that the answer may be related to corporate governance chapter . And he managed to surpass his target, MORE THAN 3 PAGES!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now he’s a real manager .
Poster presentation :Dikawe pe mat jao, apni akal lagao!
Now that’s a new stuff for me . I have never given a poster presentation in my life. This was one of the course requirements for CSR . Here this is my poster . For the complete 3 feet x 6 feet poster click below.
For detailed viewing : http://i34.tinypic.com/1zclljn.jpg
Now I made this poster with international guidelines. Only pointers and important data. But got royally screwed on the poster presentation day.
Judge 1: listened to all our gyan and analysis and suddenly …. Why is the revenue chart in the middle (She just didn't get it we were finance guys, CSR mein bhi fin)…. Gyan Radio ON …. But she was not satisfied, she just didn’t want the revenue chart there. In retrospective analysis ...... Probably she hated Finance
Judge 2: Listened to us patiently and discussed a lot of stuff with us. She also told us about elevator pitch used in corporates.
She said she was happy with our work and she gave us the lowest marks ;-(
Now that’s what we call perception error (from our side) or rather to be precise a PROJECTION BIAS … ID
In simple words
Dikawe pe mat jao, apni akal lagao!
veryyyyy important concept in MBA
In simple words
Dikawe pe mat jao, apni akal lagao!
veryyyyy important concept in MBA
Things to do at CC
CC is our own computer centre @ NMIMS . Although I have been very decent guy at CC these thoughts have crossed my mind sometimes . Probably some of you brave sould can try this out someday ;-)
We have better dell computers now . This image is quite old
- Never make the entry in the log book . Let the guard chase you for sometime. Tell him “ you can’t read or write “
- Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They''ve found me!" and boot.
- Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes. Then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
- When your computer is turned off, complain to the guard on duty that you can''t get the damn thing to work. After it has been turned on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, and repeat the process.
- Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you suspiciously.
- Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to different screen than the one it''s set up with.
- Write a program that plays the "NMIMS anthem” and play it at the highest volume possible over & over again(you need to get your own speakers for this).
- Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen and just leave the computer and dash out of the lab.
- Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it on.
- Whenever there is processing time required, pray "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!" when it finishes.
You too can win arguments
Just stumbled upon this article somewhere ....
I am sure this will be helpful for giving Gyan anywhere ... have fun reading it
and may be implementing it somewhere down the line
By Dave Barry
And not by Stuart J. Williams, Attorney at Law
I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. You too can win arguments. Simply follow these rules:
Drink liquor.
Suppose you are at a party and some hotshot intellectual is expounding on the economy of Peru, a subject you know nothing about. If you're drinking some health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you'll hang back, afraid to display your ignorance, while the hotshot enthralls your date. But if you drink several large martinis, you'll discover you have STRONG VIEWS about the Peruvian economy. You'll be a WEALTH of information. You'll argue forcefully, offering searing insights and possibly upsetting furniture. People will be impressed. Some may leave the room.
Make things up.
Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to prove that Peruvians are underpaid, a position you base solely on the fact that YOU are underpaid, and you'll be damned if you're going to let a bunch of Peruvians be better off. DON'T say: "I think Peruvians are underpaid." Say instead: "The average Peruvian's salary in 1981 dollars adjusted for the revised tax base is $1,452.81 per annum, which is $836.07 before the mean gross poverty level."
NOTE: Always make up exact figures.
If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make THAT up too. Say: "This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon's study for the Buford Commission published on May 9, 1982. Didn't you read it?" Say this in the same tone of voice you would use to say, "You left your soiled underwear in my bathroom."
Use meaningless but weighty-sounding words and phrases.
Memorize this list:
Let me put it this way
In terms of
Vis-a-vis
Per se
As it were
Qua
Ipso facto
Ergo
So to speak
You should also memorize some Latin abbreviations such as "Q.E.D.", "e.g.", and "i.e." These are all short for "I speak Latin, and you don't." Here's how to use these words and phrases. Suppose you want to say, "Peruvians would like to order appetizers more often, but they don't have enough money."
You never win arguments talking like that. But you WILL win if you say, "Let me put it this way. In terms of appetizers vis-a-vis Peruvians qua Peruvians, they would like to order them more often, so to speak, but they do not have enough money per se, as it were. Ergo, ipso facto, case closed. Q.E.D."
Only a fool would challenge that statement.
Use snappy and irrelevant comebacks.
You need an arsenal of all-purpose irrelevant phrases to fire back at your opponents when they make valid points. The best are:
You're begging the question.
You're being defensive.
Don't compare apples to oranges.
What are your parameters?
This last one is especially valuable. Nobody (other than engineers and policy wonks) has the vaguest idea what "parameters" means.
Don't forget the classic: YOU'RE SO LINEAR.
Here's how to use your comebacks:
You say: As Abraham Lincoln said in 1873...
Your opponent says: Lincoln died in 1865.
You say: You're begging the question.
You say: Liberians, like most Asians...
Your opponent says: Liberia is in Africa.
You say: You're being defensive.
You say: Since the discovery of the incandescent light bulb...
Your opponent says: The light bulb is an invention.
You say: Well DUH!
Compare your opponent to Adolf Hitler.
This is your heavy artillery, for when your opponent is obviously right and you are spectacularly wrong. Bring Hitler up subtly. Say, "That sounds suspiciously like something Adolf Hitler might say," or "You certainly do remind me of Adolf Hitler."
