Oversimplified Job Descriptions - Don’t Put These on Your Resume!
Sunday, November 22, 2009
, Posted by TJ at 1:13 PM
Of course, we know that all jobs are equally important and that all professionals do serious things at work. It is just that sometimes we can’t help ourselves but make a little fun of jobs that we don’t fully understand (or we think we do) by oversimplifying what we think they represent. Do NOT put these on your resume!
Presenting Oversimplified Job Descriptions:
• Divorce Lawyer – Help people hate each other.
• College Professor –Talk in other people’s sleep.
• Civil Engineer – Draw up plans for something that will never be built according to those plans.
• Video Game Creator – Teach kids to be evil…or so they say.
• Cinema Concession Stand Attendant – Sell gluttony.
• Government Analyst – Tell people that they can’t spend money they thought they had.
• Microbiologist – Move things from one tube to another.
• Astronomer – Misinterpret the universe.
• B-52 Bomber pilot - Manage urban renewal and pest control.
• Security Guard – Run away and call the police.
• Student – Copy and paste the Internet.
• Lawyer – Take a simple two-way promise and turn it into several complicated one-way promises which neither side can understand or hope to fulfill.
• Musician – Wear a tuxedo and smash metal plates into each other.
• Sailing Instructor – Persuade kids that it’s really fun being wet, cold and scared out of their minds.
• Tax Accountant – Take numbers on pieces of paper, rearrange them and put them on different pieces of paper.
• Incident Manager – Call people who know what they’re doing and ask them what they’re doing.
• Quality Assurance Tester – Make people feel bad about their work.
• IT Director –Repeatedly fix what you repeatedly break.
• Technical Writer – Write things that no one wants to read.
• Fast Food Employee – Make food that is as healthy before it goes in your body as when it comes back out.
• Student – Read things that don’t matter, then write papers saying they do matter, for points that don’t matter, in order to get a job doing something totally unrelated.
• Physicist – Learn laws created ages ago so you can tell engineers why you are smarter than they are while complaining how it’s a travesty that they get paid more.
• Fireworks Stand Manager – Show you innovative ways to burn money in the spirit of patriotism.
• Business Intelligence Consultant – Help people lie consistently to their bosses.
• TV Ads Director – Make corporate propaganda feel like folksy truthisms.
Student – Read things that don’t matter, then write papers saying they do matter, for points that don’t matter, in order to get a job doing something totally unrelated
could relate it to myself